Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Anti-Missionary Knitter
One of the other nurses hung out with me in the nurses' station while I knitted. She asked me how I learned to knit, and then inquired as to how I could stand to sit still so long--I neglected to point out that she'd just been sitting with me for an hour and hadn't accomplished a single thing while I was actually making something. At one point, I pulled my new Yarn Harlot book out of my knitting bag so I could reach my scissors. The nurse grabbed it and asked, "Is this a pattern book?"
"Not really. There are some patterns in it but mostly it's about knitting. I actually got to meet the author last week at a book-signing, and she signed it for me."
She flipped to the front of the book. "It says 'To the Prairie Knitter'"?
Me (blushing): "Yeah. That's my blog name. I have a knitting blog."
While I continued knitting, my co-worker flipped through the book. Suddenly she asked me, "So...straight or circular?"
I had to laugh, because in the book, Stephanie suggests asking this question in a yarn shop to watch some heated debates between knitters. I quickly launched into a speech about the pros and cons of both circular and straight needles. The nurse's eyes glazed over as she realized what she'd gotten herself into.
And that's when I pulled out all the stops. So help me God, that's when I said, "But straights and circulars are both a piece of cake compared to DPN's."
The nurse looked up and said, "DPN's?"
"Double-pointed needles. They're used for knitting small tubes like socks or sweater arms. You have to use FIVE NEEDLES AT THE SAME TIME."
This got her attention. "Oh my God, that sounds hard! Have you ever used them?"
"Oh, yeah," I say. "But it really is hard. I don't use them very often."
Apparently, I am the opposite of the Yarn Harlot's "Missionary Knitter", whose goal is to spread the Good News about knitting to all she meets. Instead, it is my mission to make knitting look difficult, thereby making myself look talented and smart, and most importantly, ensuring that new knitters don't get all the good yarn.
I'm totally on board with your mission. I'll start to wail and tear at my hair sporadically whenever I knit in public. Not only will this save the good yarn for me ... I mean US, but I'll always have a good seat with plenty of room around me.
On a completely unrelated note, yarn still makes me wanna smoosh my face into it.
(They don't believe me though)